If Sneak starts another article with "according to reports", he will hang himself. But, According to reports Chinese authorities are set to send two 'virtual police officers' into the internet with a view to them going around annoying people, and clamping down on illicit activities.

How this would work is a mystery, until you actually read on. In simple terms two animated figures – a man and a woman will appear on users' screens every half an hour to remind them of "internet security".

The two busybodies will appear on news portals from this weekend, and by the end of the year will be ubiquitous on all Beijing sites and forums.

This is the sort of thing Sneak dreams about.

Now if only he could get a virtual grandma to pop up on his screen every half an hour with a disapproving look and a heavy tut he could curb a lot of his own illicit activities.

Or, at the very least, dampen them.